Sometimes really great lines come from people who amidst their personal lives you wouldn't necessarily excpect profound things...Like Ryan Adams.
Today has been the worst day since I've moved here, and nothing truly traumatic happened. It was really just all a lot of little things (and a big whopping migraine,) that made me really in a terrible mood. And, truth be told, I have really no one to tell it to. So I won't bother telling you.
(though, in the heat of the moment, I did write this on tumblr, feel free to feel my pain.)
Mostly all I have to say is, as of RIGHT now, Christmas (or Thanksgiving if I am very very lucky,) cannot come fast enough. And that sucks because September is taking it's sweet time finishing up.
Really, I just want someone to talk to. That's about it.
I'm kind of done with this entry, there isn't much to report. I've already buried my face in my sorrows, now I'm sitting on my deck and looking into the distance, listening to crickets and looking at the seafoam green house I can see out my window.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Oh, my belly.
Corey Russell is our teacher this week in Core Class, which is nothing is not slightly surreal. Now, I've been aware of the fact that I am at IHOP (duh,) and that it is the same IHOP that is on TV at home; but having these people that are speaking prayers out into the air at my house when my mom has the TV on be my teachers is kind of weird. I mean, it's not like we are in a small classroom or anything, we aren't; we are at the main sanctuary at FSM which is huge (and freaking cold, but I don't wanna get myself started on that.) and there's around 200 people in my core class. But still, Correy Russell is one of the people I remember the best from seeing IHOP on TV, and he is my teacher this week. How crazy.
And classes are so good, but so intense. Hence my belly: I am worn out from crying out, I am worn out from crying out and feeling the holy spirit inside coming out, I am emotionally exhausted--and my belly hurts! I can only assume that it's coming from the breakthrough that I'm feel like I've been going through; I've felt like I've gone through more delieverance in the past two days than I have been the whole month and a few days/weekish I've been here. Wow, God is so amazing.
Anyway, whenever I try to write about spiritual matters in any other setting than in my prayer journal or so on they come out ramblings that only make sense while I'm writing them. And a blogspot about my everyday comings and goings seems to not be ideal.
So, since I've last written I've been in a slightly better mood. Only slightly.
But, I have been. I'm not lying.
Friday was an okay day, I think. From what I can remember it wasn't that specific. I got coffee with Jane and tried my darndest (?) to cheer her up (it was hard, she was bummmmmed out.)
I watched a lot of Greek on hulu. That's what I've been doing when I haven't been in class/prayer room, watching a terrible terrible television show. (By the way, I started watching it on wednesday, and I'm all the way through the first season and 15 episodes of the second season...don't add up the hours. I hate you.)
Then, I had to go to a picnic on Saturday. Which was lame and almost made me want to call my mom and ask her if I could move back home already. I sat alone on a picnic table bench, two people said hello to me, one of them being a teacher, and I ate a gross hot dog. Because the day was so crappy I got so anxious and uncomfortable I developed a migraine and went home and turned off all lights and sounds and slept for four hours and felt nauseous. :(
During the evening on Saturday, after I slept off my headache, I got up and Janae and Tori's cousins were in town for the night and staying over at our house. So Rebekah was over and they were going to have a fire, and sit on the back porch. Janae invited me out, but I had had enough socializing for the day. And, really, what would I have to talk about with them? I barely have anything to talk about with Janae and Tori, let alone Rebekah, and the cousins (who are two dudes in their twenties from Colorado), seriously nothing to say. And I was grouchy, and I hate being grouchy and thus awkward and making first impressions. It was good for everyone if I just stayed in my room. I had my door open because Hayley was really antsy with all the new people coming in and out so she kept coming in and out of my room as well, so Rebekah came and told me that I was allowed to be outside with them, don't feel like I couldn't be...and that they're good Christian boys so I shouldn't be scared of their "worldliness"....Oh man, I was SO angry. SO ANGRY. That was really rude. Sometimes....guh.
But a little after that Jordan walked by and I told her that my day sucked and she invited me to hang out the next morning with her. And that was really great.
Jordan hangs out and does her work at a coffee shop in Waldo (about ten minutes away from Grandview, closer up towards the Plaza and Brookside) called "Coffee Girls" and it was so cute, and has the greatest IKEA furniture and it's so clean and designy. We hung out there and I got a free cafe au lait that was pretty much awesome. Her friend Dallas came and hung out for a little while too; he's pretty cool, I mean he loves some of the same things that I love...that start with "I" at least...Ira Glass and IKEA. :) So that was all good coversation.
Once Jordan had something else she had to go do I met Jane at Broadway and we hung out in westport the rest of the afternoon. Sunday was a generally respectable day.
That's pretty much all I've been up to, since I last wrote.
Mostly I am totally drained by the heavy teaching this week...in a good way.
Now I'm sitting outside the prayer room. I've been going in an out, I'm so tired when I go in there though! Gah, I have to keep leaving to help from falling asleep.
I like free wifi, it's a beautiful day.
Cheers. I bought headphones, and am listening to my ipod...it's been too long Robert, I've missed you ever so much.
Fleet Foxes :) mmm. Perfect music for the weather. Later Skaters.
And classes are so good, but so intense. Hence my belly: I am worn out from crying out, I am worn out from crying out and feeling the holy spirit inside coming out, I am emotionally exhausted--and my belly hurts! I can only assume that it's coming from the breakthrough that I'm feel like I've been going through; I've felt like I've gone through more delieverance in the past two days than I have been the whole month and a few days/weekish I've been here. Wow, God is so amazing.
Anyway, whenever I try to write about spiritual matters in any other setting than in my prayer journal or so on they come out ramblings that only make sense while I'm writing them. And a blogspot about my everyday comings and goings seems to not be ideal.
So, since I've last written I've been in a slightly better mood. Only slightly.
But, I have been. I'm not lying.
Friday was an okay day, I think. From what I can remember it wasn't that specific. I got coffee with Jane and tried my darndest (?) to cheer her up (it was hard, she was bummmmmed out.)
I watched a lot of Greek on hulu. That's what I've been doing when I haven't been in class/prayer room, watching a terrible terrible television show. (By the way, I started watching it on wednesday, and I'm all the way through the first season and 15 episodes of the second season...don't add up the hours. I hate you.)
Then, I had to go to a picnic on Saturday. Which was lame and almost made me want to call my mom and ask her if I could move back home already. I sat alone on a picnic table bench, two people said hello to me, one of them being a teacher, and I ate a gross hot dog. Because the day was so crappy I got so anxious and uncomfortable I developed a migraine and went home and turned off all lights and sounds and slept for four hours and felt nauseous. :(
During the evening on Saturday, after I slept off my headache, I got up and Janae and Tori's cousins were in town for the night and staying over at our house. So Rebekah was over and they were going to have a fire, and sit on the back porch. Janae invited me out, but I had had enough socializing for the day. And, really, what would I have to talk about with them? I barely have anything to talk about with Janae and Tori, let alone Rebekah, and the cousins (who are two dudes in their twenties from Colorado), seriously nothing to say. And I was grouchy, and I hate being grouchy and thus awkward and making first impressions. It was good for everyone if I just stayed in my room. I had my door open because Hayley was really antsy with all the new people coming in and out so she kept coming in and out of my room as well, so Rebekah came and told me that I was allowed to be outside with them, don't feel like I couldn't be...and that they're good Christian boys so I shouldn't be scared of their "worldliness"....Oh man, I was SO angry. SO ANGRY. That was really rude. Sometimes....guh.
But a little after that Jordan walked by and I told her that my day sucked and she invited me to hang out the next morning with her. And that was really great.
Jordan hangs out and does her work at a coffee shop in Waldo (about ten minutes away from Grandview, closer up towards the Plaza and Brookside) called "Coffee Girls" and it was so cute, and has the greatest IKEA furniture and it's so clean and designy. We hung out there and I got a free cafe au lait that was pretty much awesome. Her friend Dallas came and hung out for a little while too; he's pretty cool, I mean he loves some of the same things that I love...that start with "I" at least...Ira Glass and IKEA. :) So that was all good coversation.
Once Jordan had something else she had to go do I met Jane at Broadway and we hung out in westport the rest of the afternoon. Sunday was a generally respectable day.
That's pretty much all I've been up to, since I last wrote.
Mostly I am totally drained by the heavy teaching this week...in a good way.
Now I'm sitting outside the prayer room. I've been going in an out, I'm so tired when I go in there though! Gah, I have to keep leaving to help from falling asleep.
I like free wifi, it's a beautiful day.
Cheers. I bought headphones, and am listening to my ipod...it's been too long Robert, I've missed you ever so much.
Fleet Foxes :) mmm. Perfect music for the weather. Later Skaters.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Well, trying.
Today I took a day off, mostly.
I've watched TV on my computer, cleaned up my room, listened to music, reorganized my bookcases, deep conditioned my hair with my stain conditioner, and trimmed my bangs.
Then, Jane and I went to Target.
I am mostly doing not much.
But I want to try and update more.
More, when (if) it happens.
Oh, the dog is weird today and stood outside my door CRYING VERY LOUDLY from about 7:30-9:30 off and on.
It was annoying. And she just wanted me to let her outside, over and over again. She must have an upset stomach or something. Anyway. That's about it.
My skin is irritated by something too. I have bit splotchy red spots, which I guess means I'll never get married.
I've watched TV on my computer, cleaned up my room, listened to music, reorganized my bookcases, deep conditioned my hair with my stain conditioner, and trimmed my bangs.
Then, Jane and I went to Target.
I am mostly doing not much.
But I want to try and update more.
More, when (if) it happens.
Oh, the dog is weird today and stood outside my door CRYING VERY LOUDLY from about 7:30-9:30 off and on.
It was annoying. And she just wanted me to let her outside, over and over again. She must have an upset stomach or something. Anyway. That's about it.
My skin is irritated by something too. I have bit splotchy red spots, which I guess means I'll never get married.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
It's weird to be somewhere, where almost no one knows me as a blonde...
I'm sorry that I've been not-so-consistant. I always, ALWAYS, mean well with blogs, but I almost never keep up with them.
With the exception of a xanga that I wrote in almost everyday for around three and a half YEARS.
Since then I've not been good with it. Things like facebook, twitter, tumblr, all these things are more fun than myspace was back in the day when I updated xanga all the time, so I naturally had no other internet distractions at that time. Email, myspace, and xanga. And xanga was the most interesting.
Oh how things change so quickly. It's kind of weird, you know?
Other than being sick all last week I haven't been up to much. I was out of commisson for a good 4.5 days, so there wasn't much I could've been doing! I slept so much! Although, I think it's messed me up a little bit because now I'm having a hard time sleeping at night, just from 6am-1pm. Gross. I hate it.
I'm trying to get over it. Trying, failing, whatever.
Let's see, what've I been up to since I've last updated...Well, sick, mostly.
But, on Friday Jane I did go down to the crossroads and go to first fridays; it wasn't as organized as we meant it to be, but oh well. Then we ate at winsteads and it was SO LOUD in there. Like an entire high school had invaded it. One of the waitresses had to yell at the whole restaurant! I've never seen anything like that before! I felt like I was eating lunch in the commons again. Eventually we just went back to her apartment and chatted for a while. It wasn't a bad night.
Saturday was boring. Jane was out of town. I slept on and off all day. Talked to Renae (my roommate) for a good while, which was really nice, and then we out driving and got lost in the ghetto at night.
Good right? Yes. It was super great.
Sunday was uneventful. I went to church, I laid around. Drank coffee at Jane's.
Yesterday wasn't too bad, labor day. I went to TWO SUPER TARGETS IN ONE DAY! (wow!) and that was pretty great... I looked at CDs at best buy, and this creeper kept looking over my shoulder...I quit looking after that and went home. Talked to my grandma on the phone for about forty five minutes, which was nice.
Then I went and saw Max Justus, a local--and quite well known, apparently, he played at Cornerstone last year--DJ who Jane knows. I've never been to see a DJ, so I had no clue what to expect. And it was exactly what I expected. Oddly enough. I was really worried that I wouldn't know what to do, like stand, sit, dance, whatever, but it was okay because we just sat and watched everything that went on.
The dancing was hil-arious. Hipsters dancing, oh man, I enjoyed it ever soo much. And I liked the music a lot too. It helped that I've been listening to a lot of electronica music lately (due to my slight Erlend Oye obsesion,) so I was definitely in the mindset. Also, he's really good. Also, he's really attractive. So, either way I liked it (haha)
Although- he has a mullet. It didn't bother me at all.
But yeah, it was fun. And this guy that Jane has a crush on somewhat paid attention to her so she was all happy and stuff.
We were good, it was fun.
That was labor day. Targets, Prayer Room, And DJs.
Then I couldn't sleep, went to the prayer room. AT FIVE IN THE MORNING WHEN I HADN'T YET BEEN TO BED. So I came home and slept all afternoon, then went to broadway for coffee with Jane and then we sat at the Foundary for a while. Which after our DJing night, was pretty lame, and we're totally expecting tons of hipsters and fun times. Instead we got old people and french fries.
My sleeping patterns are all off wack.
Anyhow, now it's Jane's, Brenna's and Fred's birthdays; turning 22 and 21 respectively, HAPPY BIRD-DAY to them.
I'm watching Glee on my computer.
See you all soon.
(sorry for my inconsistancies again,)
With the exception of a xanga that I wrote in almost everyday for around three and a half YEARS.
Since then I've not been good with it. Things like facebook, twitter, tumblr, all these things are more fun than myspace was back in the day when I updated xanga all the time, so I naturally had no other internet distractions at that time. Email, myspace, and xanga. And xanga was the most interesting.
Oh how things change so quickly. It's kind of weird, you know?
Other than being sick all last week I haven't been up to much. I was out of commisson for a good 4.5 days, so there wasn't much I could've been doing! I slept so much! Although, I think it's messed me up a little bit because now I'm having a hard time sleeping at night, just from 6am-1pm. Gross. I hate it.
I'm trying to get over it. Trying, failing, whatever.
Let's see, what've I been up to since I've last updated...Well, sick, mostly.
But, on Friday Jane I did go down to the crossroads and go to first fridays; it wasn't as organized as we meant it to be, but oh well. Then we ate at winsteads and it was SO LOUD in there. Like an entire high school had invaded it. One of the waitresses had to yell at the whole restaurant! I've never seen anything like that before! I felt like I was eating lunch in the commons again. Eventually we just went back to her apartment and chatted for a while. It wasn't a bad night.
Saturday was boring. Jane was out of town. I slept on and off all day. Talked to Renae (my roommate) for a good while, which was really nice, and then we out driving and got lost in the ghetto at night.
Good right? Yes. It was super great.
Sunday was uneventful. I went to church, I laid around. Drank coffee at Jane's.
Yesterday wasn't too bad, labor day. I went to TWO SUPER TARGETS IN ONE DAY! (wow!) and that was pretty great... I looked at CDs at best buy, and this creeper kept looking over my shoulder...I quit looking after that and went home. Talked to my grandma on the phone for about forty five minutes, which was nice.
Then I went and saw Max Justus, a local--and quite well known, apparently, he played at Cornerstone last year--DJ who Jane knows. I've never been to see a DJ, so I had no clue what to expect. And it was exactly what I expected. Oddly enough. I was really worried that I wouldn't know what to do, like stand, sit, dance, whatever, but it was okay because we just sat and watched everything that went on.
The dancing was hil-arious. Hipsters dancing, oh man, I enjoyed it ever soo much. And I liked the music a lot too. It helped that I've been listening to a lot of electronica music lately (due to my slight Erlend Oye obsesion,) so I was definitely in the mindset. Also, he's really good. Also, he's really attractive. So, either way I liked it (haha)
Although- he has a mullet. It didn't bother me at all.
But yeah, it was fun. And this guy that Jane has a crush on somewhat paid attention to her so she was all happy and stuff.
We were good, it was fun.
That was labor day. Targets, Prayer Room, And DJs.
Then I couldn't sleep, went to the prayer room. AT FIVE IN THE MORNING WHEN I HADN'T YET BEEN TO BED. So I came home and slept all afternoon, then went to broadway for coffee with Jane and then we sat at the Foundary for a while. Which after our DJing night, was pretty lame, and we're totally expecting tons of hipsters and fun times. Instead we got old people and french fries.
My sleeping patterns are all off wack.
Anyhow, now it's Jane's, Brenna's and Fred's birthdays; turning 22 and 21 respectively, HAPPY BIRD-DAY to them.
I'm watching Glee on my computer.
See you all soon.
(sorry for my inconsistancies again,)
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
I've got my reasons!
I know that I said I would update almost everyday and I've already failed.
But, I have a good reason.
Well, for one, Sunday-I had small group.
And Monday-I had class and then hung out at the plaza with Jane (which is not a good excuse, but whatev.)
And then, THEN, I was dying. I mean, I feel okay now. But earlier, I was DYING. I have been in bed for TWO days. I have not gotten dressed for two days. I had a fever earlier, and I've thrown up five times.
This is all gross, I know, but I am sick. And I am sorry that I'm sick and bad at blogging.
But I am sick and bad at blogging, sometimes.
so, there.
But, I have a good reason.
Well, for one, Sunday-I had small group.
And Monday-I had class and then hung out at the plaza with Jane (which is not a good excuse, but whatev.)
And then, THEN, I was dying. I mean, I feel okay now. But earlier, I was DYING. I have been in bed for TWO days. I have not gotten dressed for two days. I had a fever earlier, and I've thrown up five times.
This is all gross, I know, but I am sick. And I am sorry that I'm sick and bad at blogging.
But I am sick and bad at blogging, sometimes.
so, there.
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