Ailments.

Lately my paranoia has been focused on the possibility of having extreme physical ailments; like caner, or something equally awful, another kind of cancerous tumor of some sort. But wouldn't I know? Wouldn't I be sick? Probably. But I have this awful feeling sometimes that I probably am sick, but I just live with it, because I assume this is normal.
But, really I am just crazy.
And, today, when I was getting blood drawn for my bloodwork, I nearly passed out and blacked out almost entirely. It was the weirdest feeling ever. I can't really explain it, but the closest I have ever felt to it was the way that I felt at band camp (let the jokes ensue) with sun poisoning. But, that was more of a delirious state, not a sudden blood pressure drop.

There's a good possiblity, I've been told, that I will be hired on officially at Macy's. Which is news that I don't know how I feel about. Naturally, I don't have to accept, but if I am asked I probably will. And that's all for that thought.
I was at the beanery tonight after work (that sounds weird, because generally the beanery IS work, but no, I was working at Macy's, at my second job...the thing that makes me "the good woman, that I would marry, Sarah!" as Erez told me, who is Sarah, because without Ron he forgot my name. He's just too cute to correct, but I digress.) I was at the beanery, and the mall was closing and Lauren Kors was there, and she was inquiring as to who the super cute guy at Verizon was. And I was like, Oh that Michael, he just got married. And then he waved at me a bunch. Sheesh Michael, apparently you just got married.

Do side effects include?

I started taking this new medicine; I won't go into details of what the medicine is, because it's irrelevant (kinda), but I will say that it affects your brain. Now, generally, I noticed that it made me mouth dry, and I slept better at night, and felt a little loopy when I first woke up, but generally nothing serious. But I've noticed one other interesting thing that has happened since I started said medication: I have weird dreams, I remember them, and there are minor (and maybe not so minor, but not so major) celebrities involved. I remember three (I just started the medicine a week ago, these are the past three nights, or maybe two nights, I think I had two different dreams last night, also irrelevant):

First:
I was hanging out with my mom and Karessa from work. This is weird, because I've hung out with my mom before, but not generally at a Mexican place (as we were) and I never hang out with Karessa outside of work. Nothing against her, but out social outings rarely overlap. But yes, we were hanging out, sipping sodas and having a good time. Then our good friend-- the our being a collective of myself, my mother, and Karessa-- Rainn Wilson, shows up. This may have to do with the fact that I love the Office a whole bunch, and that I watch it a lot, but probably not, based on the other "celebs" that involved in the dreams. Rainn orders us a big plate of burritos (like, big ones, Chipotle style) and I talk about that day that we bought burritos from Chipotle on that Sunday in the summer at work (haha, one breath) using the money out of a pay out that Jen did for lunch. In the dream this was a captivating story, even though, there isn't much more to the story in real life.
It's weird that I told a story, in a dream, to Rainn Wilson of a really not so exciting time at the Beanery. (Speak of the bean, and dreams, if I have time, some other dream I had once was where the Beanery was not only a real place, but also a sitcom, and it had a really successful first season, but Dave was too unpredictable so they replaced Dave Clark with David Spade...because they look so much a like..and all.. but I digress--) Anyway, because Karessa was there (but my mom wasn't anymore, she disappeared) in the dream, at the table with us, but had not been at work on said Chipotle day, she started to cry. The kind Rainn who had just been telling us about how he wants to be a classic actor ala Cary Grant moments before turned into full on Dwight Shrute (I think his clothes magically changed too, from the GAP ad clothes, to mustard short sleeved glory) and started to yell at Karessa for crying. This is when Zach Braff showed up and drove away with Karessa in his crappy old car. And I was left alone, with Dwight eating burritos.

Second Dream:
I was at a party, with my mom and my sister and my grandma. It was at a little house that looked like a gingerbread house, but it also was connected to a building that looked like a big warehouse, or the big buildings that house indoor roller coasters. And the party was absolutely packed. We were all waiting for something. Something big. And while there were hundreds and hundreds (somehow) of people crammed in this teeny little gingerbread looking house, there were double doors that led out to the warehouse part, where there was a stage and a bunch of trapeeze. And we were all waiting for Joel McHale to do his magic show/daredevil routine. My mom was really excited, and my sister was just there having no emotion, which is weird for her (but, duh, like being in a lifesize gingerbread house waiting for Joel McHale off the Soup to perform a magic show isn't) and I was just hoping I'd get to meet Joel.
Then this boy rolled in the door in a wheelchair and everyone clapped. And I said "Oh look, he has pulsy." and my mom started to cry and talked about how Macauly Culkin's brother (who doesn't exist) Muhlayley(?) had just died of Pulsy. Which is weird, and I suppose some sort of weird connection to the movie the Mighty, staring his real brother Kieren, where he plays a boy with some dilapitating disease.
Then Joel never showed, but in his place was Zach Braff (reappearing) and he tried to tell everyone that his show would be better than Joel's couldever be which was why Joel was fired.
But I just went outside and was sad about the dead Culkin brother.

Third Dream:
In this dream I was in a play. I don't know what the play was about, but it was a really really really big deal. And there was a lot of preparation that went into this play, and lots of costumes and blah blah blah. We were really really good, and the cast included (not famous people, not yet, people I actually know) Myself, Henrie Wilson, Kaytee Calhoun, Brian Ensminger, Lizzy Franks, Stephen Montgomery, Fred Jayne, and Alex Christman. And the majority of us were really really excited and the show was going to be playing at Playhouse in the Park, and it was advirtised everywhere, and I was so excited that I couldn't stand it, and the night before the play, Brian decided that he would rather go see a concert in Oregon than be in the play. And he had the lead role (whatever it was) and I was so mad. No one else was really mad, but I was super mad. And it was going to be my big shot at being an actor or something, and it was ruined and no one was willing to go on without Brian so slowly everyone else quit. Except me, Kaytee and Alex. And then it didn't matter, and they didn't even show up on opening night. So I ran away...to Indiana. And I was sad and hanging out in a diner. I was crying and drinking soda and eating burritos (I've been dreaming about burritos) and who came to comfort me? Oh, just Mike Nesmith circa 1965. And he said, that he would marry me and we could have a family in California and everyone would love me in Hollywood if I never said anything about the Monkees ever, and when Davy and Peter and Mickey came over for their monthly "Monkee Meeting" that I went out shopping.
So I agreed. Because Mike was cute in 65.


And that's why I'm curious about the medicine's affect on my brain during sleep.
Because sure, I can sleep better, but the crazy things that I'm realizing my head is thinking about while sleep are a little nutty.
And funny. Yeah, mostly just really really funny.

One time, there was this guy

There was this guy who came to the beanery one time, and he was an idiot. He had a perfectly "coifed" (you know, I didn't know how to say that word until just recently. But, I digress) faux-hawk and made a super retarded remark about how it was dumb that I couldn't break his gal pal's fifty dollar bill at nine in the morning. Despite the fact that his hair was brown, I described him later as "Some D-bag who looked like Spencer off the Hills."

Tonight, I found out: His name is really Jim and he's my new manager.
Oh, hooray.

Famous People are people to. This concept is kinda eery.

I watch way too much television. I've taken it up as a hobby lately, and it's becoming a problem. I obsessively watch shows, and not just like one or two, I watch a lot of shows. And I didn't used to be that way. Not because I wanted to be cool by NOT watching TV just because I'm A.D.D, and it was a bothersome activity. I couldn't remember to watch shows when they were on, and the only way that I remembered to watch anything that I wanted to was the amazing invention that we know as "DVR" or, the better product that I wish we still had, everyday, over the fore mentions DVR: TiVo. That smiley little television logo really made my life easier, and I seriously became spoiled by it. I began to not want to watch TV if I didn't have the ability to press a button and watch that gosh darn hilarious cellular sales commercial (I've youtubed it, when I was bored 'cell phone commercials', it doesn't take much to make me laugh. Though, I'm picky, AT&T has lame commercials, but I digress) The idea that there wasn't a button on my grandmother's remote to go back and rewatch the commercial was baffling. I was (am) spoiled.

TV and I just weren't really connecting the way that TV connects with some people; I mean, we were casual, I liked shows here and there. TVland, BRAVO, the occasional VH1, but nothing too serious; casual encounters with I love the 80's, just enough to give me a little uncertain crush on Mo Rocca (Straight? Gay? Not sure. Funny? Cute in an awkward way? Certainly) and get me into Project Runway and Cosby kids. But like I said, nothing too committed, just a fling.

TV and I have taken the plunge, and he's beginning to think that I'm moving too fast, and that he's not ready for such a commitment. I never wanted a TV in my bedroom, but now I wish that we had the extra DVR reciever laying around, and I could hook that sucker up and get serious upstairs. I've began to purchase TV on DVD, and frequently watching it! I have all of the office, all of Flight of the Conchords, some A&E/BBC, and I keep buying it. The live feed and DVR selections just aren't enough for me. I watch at least four shows regularly. I've never done that before in my life. I can safely say that I've seen 90 percent of the Cosby show, 100% of Gilmore Girls (at least four times) and 100% the Office, 3 out of 4 seasons at least twice all the way through, with deleted scenes. TV is starting to wonder if I'm trying to play my cards right to get myself a ring! He said he's worried about me picking out new bedspreads and entertainment stands on my trips to IKEA, and he's just not ready for me to become a full fledged podcast listening, blog following, super television fan; can't we move slower? he says, he's not ready for that. And, when I step out of myself for a moment, I'm not sure that I am either.

Though, here's something interesting that my TV binge has taught me, and I have proof:

People on TV aren't really who they are on TV, they are real people, with real lives. And just (generally) a lot more money than me, and live in California.

But, they do have Myspaces, and Twittr accounts. These are things that make them eerily like me, when it comes to the internet. Except, they get more friend requests and they have legit IMDB pages.

One guy that I never really thought about, but now am absolutely fascinated by is a fellow by the name of John Cabrerra. Now, I never really paid attention to what his real name was, but I knew his face. I had a little bit of a crush on his face, and he was one of my favorite characters on one of my favorite shows, I really wanted to be friends with him. Brian Fuller, of course, who is the bassist in Hep Alien (safely on of the stupidest band names ever, but fictional. Linkin Park on the other hand...) which features Sebastian Bach only his name is Gil, and a a chick drummer. They play covers and have one of the most awkward cross section of members ever. But hey, they are merely a subplot on Gilmore Girls, which has been cancelled, so pretty much they're just a blip in syndicated heaven. But none the less, Brian was awkward and nerdy and cute, and I wanted to be his friend. Brian is not real. But, John Cabrerra is. And John Cabrerra messaged me on myspace today, and we talked about Ryan Adams. This blows my mind! People on TV do not message me on myspace, generally. Or, ever. In fact, getting an email from Matt Theissen in the eighth grade or getting a "autographed" photo of Orlando Bloom are the closest thing I have to an expirience like this. The Orlando Bloom thing is weird, and the Matt Theissen thing was that I emailed him first, and he was just responding...three and half months later.

Well, I did meet the lead singer of Anberlin randomly in a mall once. But that's a different story, semi popular pop punk rock whatever bands that may or may not be "Christian" bands don't count, I've met plenty of those types. But I've never had any sort of conversation (actual or virtual) with anyone off television.

And turns out, John Cabrerra is a lot like Brian Fuller, despite the having the same face and body part.

I mean, body and face part. I worded that awkwardly. I'll just let it go, it's kind of funny.

So, I kinda have met Brian Fuller. At least via a myspace conversation about Ryan Adams.

And that's pretty cool too.

I've rediscovered the wonders of internet radio.

All facets of it.
-Launch, which was the first love. The radio that made me so frustrated because it generally is stupid, but has introduced me to such gems as Sondre Lerche, Belle and Sebastian, Ryan Adams, Kings of Convenience, Mando Diao, Kimya Dawson and the Moldy Peaches, Okkervil River, Neutral Milk hotel...pretty much almost all of the bands that later have been my absolute favorites. And it's great, the whole way you can narrow your tastes and it gives you all these bands...it's wonderful.
-Last.Fm is great too. It does a similar thing as Launch, but it takes it one further. It goes INTO your itunes and it finds what you play the most and gives you music based on that. Or, it'll give you music based on similar artists. And, you can play it from you desktop. Neat.
And then, more conventionally...
-The fact that I can listen to any of the hundreds of This American Life episodes, whenever I want. Ira Glass at the click of a button.
-Wait Wait don't tell me.
-Norse Code, and how Fred has a radio show, and he talked about me on it, and my love of Ryan Adams.
-WOXY.com. Which is one of the coolest things about Cincinnati, that we used to have radio like this in the airwaves. But you can listen to it still online, and one of the DJs is one of people at my church who does the offering and announcements (the pastors son, who used to be my neighbor, crazy!) and they play good stuff.

Internet radio is good.