Oh, I see how you did that...

Changed "naked" to "there with you".
Very, very clever Brandon; but it's good, cause I like that song...
"when being in Your arms is the permanent state...I wanna be in Eden..."


My foot keeps falling asleep.
I've gotten much better at being consistent. Although, my content needs some work.

Tonight is going by fast...reading blogs and writing blogs...it's almost four.

I currently sitting on the floor of the prayer room,

looking up verses on biblegateway.com, trying to make it look like I am not completely distracted and preoccupied tonight.
Which I am, distracted and preoccupied.
I am distracted because tomorrow is sabbath, and I'm ready for sabbath--even though I spent all of yesterday either over the toilet (ew, yes throwing up) or in bed (mostly in bed) and didn't do anything. I'm ready to not have anywhere to go. Hopefully we can take a walk over to Kevin's or something. I'm ready to have a break... I know that's terrible, but I'm always very, very ready for sabbaths to come.
I'm also slightly preoccupied with the fact that I told Stephen I would get coffee with him in the morning (I asked, because it was just too weird that he had been here so long and we hadn't even said hello to each other) (and my mom told me to) and I've just been trying to figure out what I'm actually going to say to him. I guess I'll just talk, I'm usually pretty good at that. Though, I am usually not talking to Stephen. I think very hard before I even respond to him on Facebook... and still say stupid things... so who knows what'll come out of my mouth when I have no time to process.
It'll be okay. He's on my turf, you know? (gah, I'm just not sure why I said yes....)

It's all kinds of  cold in the prayer room.
I am having a lot of fun with this fancy little recorder thing I've got here... I have this thing that records what comes out of my speakers. And it's really cool. I've been recording things off youtube & the prayer room archive like nobody's business!
I'm a little disappointed I'm too late to get the really intense clay edwards' set from a few weeks ago, and the time that Jonas lead the other week that was really good. Oh well, there will be more good Clay sets (like all of them) and I'm sure Jobro will lead again sometime and I'll catch it.  But it's really cool.
Now I can make, like, my own little limited editions. And I can send them home to my mom, and I can record things that I actually was in the room to hear.
It's neeeeeat. Oh, computers. Sometimes they amaze me.

Sarah found a water bottle in the MPR tonight that had a big Montana sticker on it...and she almost took a drink of it (because it's the same kind as her's, you know just one of those nalegene ones) and then she saw the name on the lid... which is pretty funny... Jacob Yakos.
He's Kevin's roommate, we've met him... And see him pretty much everyday in Higher Grounds...
The whole thing was just really funny, that she found that water bottle, of all water bottles to find. She put it in the lost and found... even though we know where to find him.

nothing else fun has happened.
nothing not fun has happened really either.


Um. It's three am. Only three more hours until sabbath. Only three more hours until Jon Thurlow...
I've spent the past hour recording things from the prayer room on mute. I hope that it worked...it seems like it is...

this entry reminds me of me xanga days, all over the place! but semi-coherent.
um.

love, hannah

New Year's Resolutions

So, for the past two years my new year's resolutions have been really stupid. Like, I've only kept new year's resolutions for the past two years.
In 2009 I had three:
-Never miss the Office (done and done)
-Don't eat Great Steak more than once a month (done and done)
-Wear a 12 consistently (ehhh.)
2010 I had a few more
-reread pride & prejudice (3/4 of the way there)
-drink more black coffee (failure)
-write a lot (this could be any sort of success, because I don't know what I mean by 'a lot', but I'm probably succeeding)
-listen to the beach boys (how much? though, I don't think I've been doing all that great)
-seriously read the Word (true!)
-become a better steward of my money (what money?)
-rewatch LOTR (I haven't watched...any movies in 2010)
-pray for my future husband (I think I need to stop doing this)
-learn how to fast (fail.)
-wear a 12 consistently --Okay, so this is the one that I'm going to hone in on right now. It's been on both of my lists. And, last year I failed. I was pretty sure that this year I was going to fail.
And I'm here to let you know. I am currently wearing size 12s and they are falling off.
so. Here's to the rest of 2010, the year of maybe-I'll-actually-wear-size-10s.

something kind of funny I found today.

Here are somethings that I wrote in october in my smaller journal (the one that I just wrote random things in. aka-my moleskine) generally in the middle of class or sermon notes. generally sermon notes, considering that these particular things I've found written in margins and so on are well... you'll see...

they're pretty funny (well, to me, they might not be funny  to anyone else.)

this is just the kind of absolute creep I apparently am.

"10-09-09 blah...friday. EGS. End TImes (allthetimeswetalkaboutthisihop)
MATT 24
THE NORTHFACE
ABOMINATION OF DESOLATION
misty is very skinny...and it is very cold.......... Oh beardy boy who is sitting in front of me...you. you are friends with {insertnamehere} aren't you? I saw you at higher grounds with him the other night when I was there with renae...you. are. very adorable.
I'll go on a date with you if you want.
We can watch a dumb boy funny movie, if you're into that sort of thing (becauseiam)
Or a cowboy movie, or a war movie..I'll even just come over to your probably dirty house [true. it's dirty.] and we can watch like WWII documentaries, I feel like you might be into stuff like that (hopefully cowboys).
or, you know, we could go on a hike, those are some 2 LEGIT 2 QUIT new balances you have on there. do you like colorado? or mountains? I mean, not only do you have that beard, but also that nice northface zip up (I want one) to keep you very warm (hey, your friend has one too... but he does not have a beard like you, but kind of does have a lazy eye.)
I just feel like you like climbing things.
you can teach me how to rock climb. and we can watch tombstone. come on...it will be fun...."
all the note I took that night.

and then, here's another little note to the beardy guy...

"10-23-09 EGS friday.....*incoherent scribbles* 10/40 window *more scribbles* three critical factors of the "signs of the times"....matthew twenty four, no one will no the time or the hour....*squiggles and such*.... (oh beardy boy that is sitting in front of me again... you have very pretty eyes, and you keep glancing over your shoulder, and I just keep looking at them...they're really light colored, especially next to the rest of your face...which is kind of covered in hair. What color are they? grey? blue? hazel? I dunno...also. beard. there aren't good enough words to express...that. I am not a beard fanatic, quite like a lot of girls are anymore, but my goodness. few people have achieved that level of beard success quite like you have...so well done, sir. well. done." (and then there's a playlist that has a lot of the avett brothers on it, and those are all the notes I took that night)


(I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS BLOG LOOKS LIKE THIS. WITH TINY FONTS AND STUFF.)

IHOP, make this happen.

 I want Mason Gentry and Jon Thurlow and Jonas Park to lead at night, for the rest of the nights I have to be there. Okay guys? Okay, sounds good.

I talked to my mom on the phone today.

She asked me why I hadn't gone out of my way to try and hang out with Stephen since he's been in Kansas City. Um, I'm sorry, why haven't I done anything not related to Fire in the Night in the past six months? Oh right. Because I'm in Fire in the Night and it pretty much takes up all my time. Oh, and that it's Stephen, I really don't think we have anything to say to each other. I mean, really. We barely have anything to say to each other on Facebook, I feel like actually hanging out would result in a lot of awkward silences. But that's just me.

I mean. Maybe not.
But, I'm thinking that would be it.

I got two new pairs of pants, praise the lamb.

Okay.

I know I just posted something, like ten minutes ago or something.
but I'm just sitting here in the prayer room, on the floor, leaning against the southern tip of South America on the map. And I was just closing my eyes, thinking about stuff. My mind was like in forty different places, and I was just anxious, and then I realized.
None of this matters. None of it. Nothing that I'm thinking about, wanting so desperately to be on days, to be doing something with my life, to write, to complain, to get married. All these things are okay things, they are good things even.
But really.
I already found where I belong, and that's in His presence, soaking up His delight in me.
everything else will fall into place, I just have to rest in His heart.

so there you go.

It's star wars day.

Well, I guess techinically it was star wars day, but on my schedule even though it's three in the morning on wednesday, that still counts as tuesday. And really the way that I live my life, it's still tuesday until whenever I go to bed on Wednsday. So sometimes my Tuesdays (or any other day for that matter) can last sometimes until noon the next day. Either way. Happy Star Wars day. May the Fourth be with you.

I had a little heart to heart with my coreleader last night, about how things are going (which is not super well, I've been getting migraines like it was my job, I've had three this month).  I didn't mean to be so blunt with her, but it just kind of came out, and I told her that I'm just really burnt out, and I really just hate the nights. Like I crave the morning. I want so badly to be on mornings, not even just days, mornings. I want to go to bed at eleven pm and wake up at five thirty, not eat dinner at eleven at night and go home for the day at six in the morning. I want to be just getting here, after sleeping all night, at six in the morning. I want to be in the prayer room for sets that I like, not waiting around after I've been here for six hours to hear just the beginning of the sets. I don't know, I just want to be normal. I guess for the first time in my life. I think more than anything, nights have mad me realize how anxious I am to grow up and be normal.

I think that Sarah and I may've found a house to live in after the internship. It's actually on the same street that I used to live on, E 107th Terrace, which is a little bit father away than I would've wanted (considering when I lived there it wasn't far from the prayer room, but I also had a car to drive, it took two minutes to drive to the prayer room, but like a half hour to walk to the prayer room). But it's a really nice area, and the house is pretty affordable, and we already might have someone to live with us, Alina, who is my roommate now.
It's nice to have something to move towards, although it's making the last...fifty three days... of the internship do by pretty slowly.
Although, at this point I think anything would make them go by very, very slowly.

You know what else is going by slowly? This night. I'm kind of hungry (tomorrow, I think I'm going to eat chick-fil-a) and I'm just anxious. Also probably breaking rules by reading wikipedia articles in the prayer room.
I have a half and hour to continue doing so.

I'm trying to update my blog more often, you know, but I just can never come up with anything to say.

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist. And He is the head of the body, the church, who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in all things He may have the preeminence
-Colossians 1:15-18

Open wide my door, my Lord, my Lord...