One of the verses that has been highlighted to me lately, and was confirmed today that it's actually the Lord whispering sweet nothings into my heart (Word 'kisses', a la Songs 1:1) has been Matthew 5:6, which says:
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied [filled]."
I have been feeling like I'm moving in circles, like I'm chasing my tail, but I want to be searching for the face of God; I feel the hunger in my heart, but I don't know if I'm doing anything right, but I feel the hunger. In the sermon on the mount, Christ says that those who hunger will be filled; He promised to fill me, and SOM is what I want to be living, so shouldn't I be feeling something?
I feel like all the girls in my internship (no names,) that would rant and rave in our Life Of David (or really any class that we were in the same class with CJ) that they were trying and they weren't feeling; I didn't feel like that, so I think I kind of blew them all off (also I was pretty mad at them, but not actually the point) and assumed they were striving too much.
I think I'm striving too much.
I've been consumed with my seemingly unfufilled hunger for a few weeks now, feeling aimless and like I'm faking everything. When I was in the prophecy rooms today, I was a little nervous that it would come up some way, that would take it not as an encouragement, but as a tear down. When I sat down and the first person said they were getting Matthew 5 (well anything, honestly, but specifically) 6 my heart kind of twisted. Would this be an encouragement or a correction worded nicely? Then, he said "He hears you, He sees you and He delights in your hunger." It was like a big exhale breath was let out of my spirit. He does see me, He does hear me, and He does think about me. His thoughts for me cannot be counted, and I am his delight; in this time that I am waiting on God (that I want to be a short time, and while it most certainly is, in the grand scheme of eternity, I am impatient and the fact that I've been repeatedly told to 'wait' for the past year, makes it feel so long, but I know it will be worth it).
I was reading in A Shepherd looks at Psalm 23 by Phillip Keller today at the Roasterie, and was kind of thrown off by the reappearing of Matt 5:6 in my day today (life, in general, not just day). It made me see it a little differently, in a even more clear way, and I am thankful for it. The chapter I am on is the one speaking about the 'He leads me beside still waters,' verse. I have always (or, since the first time I read this book, you know in the fifth grade or so) thought of it as the still part being important, kind of even more important than the water part, and (stupidly, like any stupid sheep) never looked at it in any connection to Sermon on the Mount (um, duh) (sometimes I am uncomfortably reminded of my ignorance and while it's annoying, it's good because it means I'm growing). I underlined a few lines, and honestly, I can't express any better than ol' Phil Keller anyway. He knows what he's talking about.
"...Christ, our Good Shepherd, made it clear that thirsty souls of men and women can only be satisfied when their capacity and thirst for spiritual life is fully quenched by drawing on Himself..."
I'm supposed to be thirsty. I'm a stupid sheep. I'm striving sometimes (a lot of times,) but it's the journey I am on; I just have to remember, that even when I strive, or even when I fail, I can start again and He will love me in those times. He will fill me.
"He will lead un into the things of Him, Christ Our Lord, He will make us see that the life in Christ is the only truly satisfying life. We will discover the delight of having our souls satisfied with His presence. It will be He who will become to us very meat and drink -- that as His resurrection, overcoming life was imparted to me by His spirit and each day I will be refreshed and satisfied."
Good night, there are waaaaay too many FITNers in here.
(I love Jaye's team, though.)
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